


So the thing about dogs..

by Trenchcoatman



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Psycho-Pass Fusion, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Eventual Smut, Everyone Has Issues, F/F, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Mystery, Office Blow Jobs, Office Sex, Philosophy, Plot Devices, Plot Twists, Porn With Plot, Shinkane Week (Psycho Pass), Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26123239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trenchcoatman/pseuds/Trenchcoatman
Summary: Life at the ministry of welfare and Public security isn't always running around and shooting people with Dominators.It's a civil service, and more importantly, an office...Kagari is the team's child, Ginoza can't catch a break, Akane is the shy innocent new girl, Makishima is an inspector, Sasayama is still an asshole, and Kougami is resisting the urge to shoot his coworkers and then himself.
Relationships: Choe Gu-Sung & Makishima Shougo, Choe Gu-Sung/Makishima Shougo, Ginoza Nobuchika/paperwork, Karanomori Shion/Kunizuka Yayoi, Kougami Shinya & Tsunemori Akane, Kougami Shinya/Tsunemori Akane, Sasayama Mitsuru/Kunikuza Yayoi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	So the thing about dogs..

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick pilot. It's just a short break project while I work on AOK chapters, yes it's still ongoing, my uni schedule is cramped.
> 
> "But I don't blame you. I wish I was a girl so Karanomori would show me some of that sweet, lovely attention. Then I realise I'd rather have a penis." - The office asshole, Sasayama

So the thing about dogs..

I ran my eyes down the computer monitor, trying to get my mind off the issue at hand. I tried to bury myself under the facts of the case, filling out the report. Oh god, this was so… So mind numbing. It wasn't even helping me take my mind off him. 

As usual, department 1's office was quiet at this time of the day, just after lunch break. Being a civil service, most of us often took advantage of how lax our job was half the time. It wasn't unusual to see Masaoko walk in an hour later than usual, or Kagari inviting one of his playmates over to take part in a video game marathon. 

The only two people who seemed to take the lunch break hours seriously were me and my superior, a thin faced man called Ginoza. He had a sour look on his lips all the time, a scowl always seemingly finding a way onto his face. Not that I was saying bad about him, I respected his intelligence and competency as one of the most capable detectives in the department, even if he had a profoundly condescending tone to his voice when he talked to the enforcers, or the dogs, as he usually called them. 

Which brought my mind back to dogs. 

"You don't have to be here, you know. I'm not going to report you." a voice broke my musing, and I looked up, to see the bespectacled man addressing me. He wasn't even looking at me, his eyes glued to the screen as he finished up his last report. That made ten in the brief span of forty minutes. Ginoza was a champion speed typer, and had actually won small time events for this sort of thing. 

"I'm sorry, sir?" 

"You don't have to be here." Ginoza tersely replied, after a small pause, as if deciding whether or not I was worth the time to repeat himself. "I'm not going to report you if you didn't come back on time, since today is mostly a quiet day."

"It's.. It's fine, sir!!" I replied, a little too quickly. "Anyways, if you were the only one doing work, I'd feel really bad."

"Would you, now?" 

I didn't know how to reply to that. 

"It's the same principle as most things in life. Don't feel bad about having something that others don't. I'm here because I choose to come back on time to finish my paperwork. You don't have to take it on yourself to emulate me." Ginoza replied mechanically, his eyes never leaving the screen. I used to feel perturbed by that when I first arrived, but after a month, I got used to it. 

"That may be true sir, but I don't think it's wise to let my paperwork pile up. I've seen Kagari's working pattern, and I really don't want to pull any all-nighters."

"Fair enough." Ginoza stood up, and rubbed his eyes, taking off his specs. He blinked his slightly bloodshot eyes twice, before walking over to the printer. "Do you know what the hardest part about being a leader is, Inspector Tsunemori?" 

"I.. I don't know, sir. I would guess self management?" 

"It's people management. Self management is easy once you've acquired enough discipline. But controlling others and understanding how they work.. It's the hardest KPI of being a leader, especially since it's so intangible."

"With all due respect sir, referring to our Enforcers as 'Dogs' isn't the best sign of people management." I replied, my face a little warm. 

There was a curt pause. I didn't dare look up. I didn't know why I had said that. That sentence alone was probably enough of a ticket to get me on an express queue to get into his bad books.

"People management isn't about welfare. It's about controlling them on a leash so your team performs effectively when the time comes." Ginoza replied carefully, choosing his words, and I didn't dare to argue back. "It's the equivalent of training dogs."

I bit my tongue. 

"As such, it's important to know which player in the team isn't working as I need them to, and find out why." My captain continued. "Communication is key. Which brings me to you, Inspector Tsunemori." 

".. Me.. Sir?"

"For the past twenty minutes, you have stared at the screen of one report. You're usually more focused. I've monitored you for the last two months and this seems quite unusual. Is there any issue you would like to disclose?"

"I.. Sir.. I just have stuff on my mind."

"Mm." Ginoza paused again. "Regarding work, or your personal life?" 

".. I.. I don't.." I trailed off. 

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's alright." Ginoza replied unemotionally, his eyes never leaving the screen. "Although I usually find taking a walk helps when I can't soothe my thoughts. If you need a mental break, that could be a good avenue."

"Thank you, sir." I replied after a moment, taking it as a chance to drop the topic. I quickly looked back at my computer screen. But Ginoza was spot on. I couldn't focus. My brain kept lingering on the image of a certain co-worker. I closed the computer down, and instinctively looked right, albeit in a sneaky fashion. 

Next to mine, was a desk that was neat and well maintained, seven files arranged in terms of size along the side of the short cubicle wall. A scent of wood would tickle my nose whenever I passed by. It wasn't the light smell of trees that basked in the summer. It was the hard scent of winter trees, thick scales of bark and granite hard timber that never saw warmth. "Sir, I think I'll head off for a walk to clear my mind."

"Take your time." Ginoza nodded his approval. "But Inspector, let me tell you one bit of advice."

"Yes, sir?" 

"As the one holding the leash, you should never play favourites. Every dog is important in the pack, and if one ever turns rabid, you'll have to put it down. Don't get too close to any of them. Are we clear?" His irises were dark, like small pools of ink, and they cut right through me. I gulped unconsciously. 

"Y.. Yes sir."

"Also, if you're heading to the third floor, do me a favour and drop off the evidence report to Ms. Karanomori." For some reason, she was the only enforcer he seemed to respect enough to call by her name. 

I took the report and slipped out of the office, leaving Ginoza to work on his files. I sighed. I think he knew, or suspected my little.. Issue with my coworker. I glanced up at a nearby camera at the lift lobby. If Ginoza could have guessed this much about me, I could only wonder how much Sybil did. Maybe the system already pinned me under its monitors, but I just couldn't tell I was being monitored on the other side of the cold, mechanical lense. 

I took a deep breath, waiting for the lift. It didn't calm me down. Eventually, it came up, after what felt like eternity. I didn't step in so much as run into the cold metal box, intent on delivering the report and getting back to work as soon as possible.

"Careful there." As I rushed in, I came face to face with a silver haired man. More than face to face, actually, I ran into him in my hurry to get in. We almost collided, but he seemed to gracefully dance away, his body moving like cold silk through the air. I promptly tripped over myself and landed at his feet. My file went to the floor, the evidence report scattering all over the place. My wallet and phone somehow found its way out of my pocket, landing on the marble floor of the elevator, making an even bigger mess. 

"Oh god!! I'm sorry." I apologised, too quickly for my liking. Ginoza had given me a lecture a week ago because of this. He said that I was an inspector of Sybil, and should hold my head up. People should be looking up to me, not the other way around. I didn't have the courage to tell him that I thought all people were equal, regardless of whether they were enforcers or inspectors. I hurriedly picked up and retrieved my items, my face burning. "I'm sorry, are you hurt?" 

"I'm not." The smooth voice politely answered me, and I heard a soft smirk in there. "All I am is confused. Why are you apologising? You haven't wronged me in any way."

"Uhm-" I tripped over myself again, only this time, verbally. I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I.. I mean, I'm sorry because I was careless. I could have hurt you if you didn't manage to.. To dodge me."

"Mm." I looked around for my phone, and when I looked up, I saw the man holding it for me. I quickly pulled myself up, taking the phone in both hands and nodding my thanks. "So you think that reparations should be served based on the possibility of what may have happened rather than the intention or the actual result. Fascinating."

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked. This man was.. We had barely met each other and he was discussing philosophy and justice like it was everyday elevator conversation. I mean, it could be. But was it really something that people who had barely met should-

"Oh, where are my manners. I didn't introduce myself. My name is Makishima Shogo. First Inspector Makishima Shogo, at your service." He was dressed casually, in a loose fitting t shirt that seemed worn at the collars, a thigh length coat wrapped tightly around his body. Combined with his pale skin and silver hair, in a strikingly outdated mullet haircut, he was truly a sight to behold. 

"Ah- uh, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am Akane Tsunemori. Third inspector." I stammered, but managed to catch myself. The pace of this conversation was going too fast. 

"Akane.. Akane." Makishima mused, tapping his forehead, which I would eventually come to understand was a sign of him thinking. "You're the new inspector at Division 1, correct?" 

"Y.. Yes sir."

"Don't be so formal, Akane. Call me Maki, everyone does." 

"Uhm." I said. "I'm.. I would prefer to call you Makishima, if that's.. That's alright with you." 

"No issues." Makishima replied, as the doors opened on the third floor. Wow, I just made a possibly dangerous friend in the last one minute. He held the lift doors for me, before stepping out as well. 

"Well, I'll be seeing you around, then, Akane." He smiled politely, showing a flash of white teeth. 

"Alright, I'll catch you soon." I replied. Well, he seemed like a nice guy. Odd fellow, but nice. Wait, why were we waking in the same direction? I turned left, and he followed me. I turned yet another corner and he followed me yet again. I almost wanted to say something, but he was keeping quiet so I assumed that he didn't want to say anything. Wow, this was awkward. Like, really awkward. 

"Ah." We both ended our destination at the same door. 

"Uhm… What a coincidence."

"Quite."

"Are you here to drop off something for Analyst Karanomori?" I asked nervously. I hadn't actually been here before, and if there was a pecking order in regards to who got their stuff analysed first.. 

"No, actually, I'm here to hang with Choe. And host my book club."

"You.. You have a book club?" I asked, a little flabbergasted. But then again, he did strike me as the intellectual, eccentric sort of person, so a book club wasn't too much? I wouldn't have been surprised if he was the type to run an underground masquerade cult, if those things actually could exist under the sybil system. Probably not, but I still wouldn't put it past him. 

"Well yes. Today we are reviewing The Wind Up Bird Chronicles." Makishima waggled the tightly bound leather book in front of me, the cover obscured by the material. 

"Isn't.. Isn't that book banned under the sybil system?" I asked, and the words didn't have to leave my mouth for me to realise I had once again overstepped my boundaries. This was how I got into people's bad books. Goddamnit. 

"You're right." Makishima replied, after a tense pause. He fixed his eyes on me, and I felt a cold chill run down my back. His eyes no longer seemed as relaxed as before. In fact, there was a silent intensity to those silver mirror-like irises. "I bought it from overseas, in English paperback. It was difficult work, translating all five hundred and twelve pages into Japanese. It's honestly such a tragedy that masterpieces that are written by artists can't be appreciated in their own country."

"You could be arrested for this." I pointed out, trying to maintain his cold gaze with a steady one. "It was banned because of certain subversive elements, and you're hosting a book club discussing it." 

"I could. If any officers wanted to report me. But the book is in itself extremely obscure. The only people who have even heard of it have more than probably read it already." Makishima casually smiled back at me and I deflated a little. "It would be hypocritical for a woman to persecute her fellow men for the same sin she's committed."

"It's one thing to perform acts in the comfort of one's home, and another to perform them brazenly in public." I pointed out, my face burning. Something was coiling up inside me, and it had spring out. Usually, I was more quiet than this, but Makishima somehow made me want to retort and push bakc against his assertions. "Hypothetically, if I had read that book, I would have the decency to read it from prying eyes, instead of openly showing it to a person you met for the first time. Showing off the crime doesn't make it any better as it would have been if the felony was done in the dead of night."

"It doesn't make it any worse though, does it?" The silver haired man smiled at me, his eyes twinkling and shining softly but intently. "How does commiting a crime in the privacy of one's home make the crime any less abhorrent than it already is?" 

"I wouldn't say that doing the crime in a secluded place makes the crime any better, so much so as doing the crime in public makes it worse. You're actively undermining a social system. People protect the system, and their image and faith of it is what solidifies it."

"Oh, and that is what separates sybil from big brother in 1982?"

"There's alot of controversial things you just said in that statement, Mr. Makishima." I replied coolly, feeling my cheeks warm up. Despite how quirky and overbearing he could be, he was undoubtedly an interesting person. "If you want to talk about things which I may or may not have read yet, can we take it into the one room where there's no security footage?" 

"Hm." He smirked, and he walked over and pressed a keycard against a flat slab on the side of the wall. The double doors hissed open, and he held them for me. "You're an interesting young woman, Tsunemori. I pegged you for the shy type, but you have quite a mouth on you." 

"We all have things that we are passionate about." I walked in, nodding my thanks to him. The cold air of the analysis room greeted me, making me wish I took a jacket. 

"Mm, don't we all." A snarky voice broke out from the side of the room, and I looked to see a young man, crouching on the sofa in the middle of the room, his hands wrapped around a console. 

"You know that your lunch break ended like, forty-something minutes ago, right, Kagari?" I sighed, as I watched him mash the buttons together. His character hopped about, throwing knives and fireballs, as his opponent leapt in the air, forcing himself out of the corner. 

"Jeez, Akane I'm reaaaaaallly sorry for this. I'll go back to the office when I'm done beating this old man, I promise." Kagari grinned, like a smug cat, and I resisted the urge to spray him with a mist sprayer.

"Hmm. I'm not that old, mind you." The man sitting next to him chuckled, as he calmly performed a combo, in contrast to Kagari's frantic movements. On the screen, one of the characters stuffed his hand into the others stomach, and ripped out his spinal cord. A deluge of blood spurted out, spraying all over the screen in a horrifying slow motion scene. 

"Jesus man!!" Kagari yelled, tossing the console up in the air, slumping against the couch, frustrated. "What the flying fuck. Are you fucking kidding me?!" 

"If you can't play well, just admit you can't play well." The man chuckled, his voice low and scratchy, like a knife against a whetstone. He turned around, and the first thing that caught my eye was his face. Thin and gaunt, but undoubtedly handsome in a bizarre way, his heterochromatic eyes glittering at me. I gulped. One of his eyes was a dark black, but the other was multicoloured, tints of purple, gold and blue dancing beneath the surface, like multicoloured fishes. 

"Shougo." He greeted the man next to me, and Makishima waved back casually. His eyes fixed onto me, and I felt my body grow heavy, as I looked into his mechanical eye, entranced by it. 

"And you must be Ms.Tsunemori." He smiled, his accent clipped and posh. "How do you do?" 

"Uhm, I'm.. I'm great, thanks." I responded, bowing a little. He stood up to greet me, and the first thing that struck me was how absurdly tall he was. It was as if he only came in one size : taller than you. His prominent forehead was shown off by his slicked back hair, strands of brown creeping from the slightly wrinkled brow to his eyeline. "Thanks for always spending time with Kagari."

"Oh, I should thank him. He's spending time with me. Old folks like myself need a bit of mental stimulation every now and then." The man named Choe gu-sung nodded politely, his eyes thin and modest. They scared me the most. He didn't have that predatory look in his eyes that some of the enforcers had, but there was something else in there. He was a man who had faced hardship before, and had been broken over and over again. 

"Jesus, Choe, stop hitting on Akane!!" Kagari pouted from the sidelines. "Are we doing this or what?" 

"You know that I've beaten you twelve times in a row, right? Maybe we should play a different game." Gu-sung replied, sitting back down, his hands around the control. 

"Yeah, geez, don't remind me." Kagari sighed, deflating as he took the controller back in his hand. "But this time, I'm picking first."

"Some would say that insanity is trying the same thing a hundred times, over and over again, while expecting different results." Makishima chuckled from next to me, lounging in a deeper part of the room, his body stretching comfortably along the couch like a smug cat. 

"They probably didn't try it enough for it to succeed." Kagari smirked, mashing the console buttons again. On the screen, a reptilian like man jumped about, spitting acid, as his opponent darted from left to right, throwing knives and darts. 

"I would define insanity as playing Mortal Kombat on the large screen projector that the analysts use." I replied drily, looking at the two enforcers go at each other happily. You would think age would make a person more mature, but judging from the way the ninja was repeatedly squatting on the incapacitated reptiles face, it definitely wasn't the denominator. 

"And I win yet another round." Choe rumbled. On the screen, the reptile man was shot into the air by the ninja, and got splattered by the waiting blades of a rotating helicopter. "Don't worry about the analysts. The old man is out, and Karanomori is busy with your coworker, Yayoi Kunizuka." 

"Oh, is Ms. Kunizuka having her stuff analysed too?" I blushed, quickly standing stiffly, holding the files to my chest. "I'll.. Uh I'll wait for my turn then." 

"Heh." Choe chuckled. "Anal-lyze."

"HEH." Kagari chuckled. "Her turn."

"I'm sorry, is there something I'm not getting?" I asked, puzzled. I glanced around, looking for any adults in the room, besides the two enforcers, and I was distraught to see Makishima as my only choice. The ivory haired man looked at me with a little pity in his gaze, gesturing airily. 

"No, no, Ms. Tsunemori. I'm sure Karanomori would love to help you anal-lyze your stuff. Once she's done with Yayoi." Makishima sniggered, a uncharacteristically carefree smile appearing across his face. Choe and Kagari burst out laughing, leaving me confused. Was I the butt of the joke? 

"I still don't get it." I replied calmly, my face a little heated. 

"Mm.." Choe smiled kindly, like an old man who was about to explain something to his dumb granddaughter. "How should I.. How should I put it nicely. Makishima, you wanna try?" 

"No, no, I insist, this one is yours." Shougo grinned, and I was getting increasingly more and more bewildered. And annoyed. Jesus, were all boys this annoying? 

"Could you please cut to the point, Mr. Su-geng?-" 

"They are both having sex." Kagari jumped in, yawning as he stretched his back, his spine popping softly like bubble wrap. 

"S.. Sex?" I yelped, my voice a little higher than usual. My face flushed a deeper shade of scarlet. I mean, yeah I had a few daydreams of guys back when I was in middle school, but this topic was mostly unfamiliar territory to me. 

"Yep. They are doing the nasty." Kagari confirmed my horrifying suspicions as he and Choe continued playing, as if a conversation about two coworkers having steamy sex was an everyday thing. 

"Bumping their boxes." Choe added. 

"Tossing the salad."

"Polishing their mirrors."

"Sharpening their scissors."

"Mushing tortillas."

"Talking into the clam."

"Okay that's enough boys, Ms. Tsunemori gets it." Makishima, my unlikely savior, (ignoring the fact he kinda caused this to begin with), cut them short. 

There was a long pause. 

"B.. But.." I stammered. "H.. How do they do it?!" I squeaked, my voice breaking in an undignified way. My legs were trembling like two saplings caught in an earthquake. "Don't.. Don't.. You need a.. A… P-peni- But they are both girls!!" I shouted, a little louder than I would have liked. 

Kagari giggled and Choe chuckled heartily. I blushed even harder. In the darkness of the room, my burning face must have stuck out like a sore thumb. The cold air felt like ice on my cheeks. 

Makishima smiled understandingly, albeit in a slightly condescending way. 

"There are many ways for a woman to enjoy another's woman's company and show her love. One does not need a penis for enjoyable sex." Was it weird that a guy was telling me this? Well, weirder things have happened today. 

"We.. Well.. I…" I blustered, my words tumbling out of my mouth. 

"But if you are curious, you can go and see them. They are probably doing it in Shion's office right now."

"At work??!" I almost screamed, but Makishima's smirk didn't tell me that he was kidding. "Why??" 

"As in why are they doing it, or why at work?" 

"I.. You… UeUebkdnwndndjs.." My speech tripped over itself, as my brain failed to process everything wrong with that earnest sounding question. 

"Geez, what's with all the shouting?" A drawling voice called out from the entrance as the door opened yet again, showing in a pair of silhouettes, and casting bright light onto my scarlet cheeks. I turned around, and was momentarily blinded by the brightness, as if it was produced by some strange heavenly deity to make the men who walked in look even more handsome. "I could hear that racket from the lift lobby."

The man who spoke was tall, good looking and broad, his crew cut pushing his fringe so far back, it was fighting for real estate with his forehead. He wore a suit, standard enforcer uniform, but his shirt was all messy and untucked, like Kagari. 

"Sasayama." Makishima greeted his enforcer as he sauntered in. Sasayama loosened his tie and slumped onto the couch, making the side Choe and Kagari on inflate. He was heavier than he looked, thick muscle coiling under his clothes. "I trust that I'll see my report on my desk by four?" 

"Uh.. Let's say tomorrow." 

"Five-thirty." I felt the urge to roll my eyes. He was definitely like Kagari. 

"Six-thirty, and I'll throw in evidence analysis for the last case." Sasayama bargained, bumping fists with Choe and Kagari. Kagari passed him the remote, and Sasayama leaned back. Choe sat up straight, actually looking serious. 

"Hmm. If you weren't the best hand to hand combatant I had, and if Choe was so picky about blood, I would cut you into pieces and stack you up as a public art exhibit." Makishima remarked, reclining backwards on his sofa. I couldn't tell if he was serious, or whether this was his weird brand of humor. 

"Aw, don't be like that. You love me too much to do it." Sasayama laughed, as his character kicked Choe's into a corner, comboing it with a few punches. 

"Let's be honest, show of hands, who here has tried to kill Sasayama at one point in time or another?" A second, new voice called out from the doorway, and I turned to see my coworker, who I totally didn't have a crush on, walk in. 

Shinya Kougami was easily seventy kilograms of pure muscle in a six foot one body. He leaned back into his fur sweater, his slender, strong neck like that of a norse god that had blessed us with his presence in an avatar. 

"Me." Makishima said.

"Me." Choe chuckled. 

"Me." Kagari raised his hand. 

"Me." Yayoi appeared from the dim hallway that led to Shion Karanomori's private office. Her lipstick was slightly smudged, and her coat collars were pulled high, hiding several dark marks on her neck. 

"Me." Shion added from behind Yayoi, her normally pressed red suit crumpled and ruffled, her stockings asymmetrical, one lower than the other. 

There was a moment of silence. 

"I, uh.." I looked at all the expectant eyes, and my trembling got worse. Kougami's steely blue eyes were locked onto me, like a hunting dog to a rabbit. "I know it's against protocol, but.. But the last time we were joint patrolling, I kinda.. Got curious and pointed the dominator at him to see what would happen. Does… does that count?" 

"Eh, close enough." Kagari shrugged. 

"So that's everyone in the room who has at one point in time, tried to kill me." Sasayama sighed, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. "What has society become?" 

"The same as it's always been." The blonde analyst laughed, taking out a cigarette and lighting it, before turning to me. "Inspector Tsunemori, I believe you have some files for me from inspector Ginoza?" 

"Uh.." I trailed off, looking at her messy attire, from the dishevelled stockings to the way her crimson blouse was buttoned wrongly, showing off her pale, bountiful cleavage. "Y-yes!! Uhm, here!!" I blushed, quickly tearing my eyes off her body to look at her smirking, saucy expression. I frantically scrambled to find the analysis notes, passing it back to the beautiful woman. 

"Oh by the way,  _ Akane _ …" Her voice dropped a few octaves lower when she said my name, her tone dripping with lush seduction. "If you ever wanna know how us girls  _ play.. _ " Her finger started on my shoulder, as if flicking imaginary lint off it, before slowly trailing in an s-shape manner down the side of my smaller arms. "You're always welcome to join us, y'know? I'm quite accommodating, and I would just  _ love _ to see my two cute juniors get to know each other better." I gulped, my throat suddenly feeling dry, as if a moth had crawled its way down it when I wasn't paying attention. I didn't even notice she was done talking until she took the file off my hands, leaving me on my trembling legs. It was like she engulfed me in a thick aphrodisiacal miasma, and even as she walked away, I could feel a strange tingle in my lower abdomen. 

"You know she's walking away now, right Akane?" Kagari added from the sofa, back to playing his game against Sasayama, who had somehow beaten Choe in the last round. "You can stop drooling now. Also, she totally heard your outburst about lesbian sex earlier."

"What- N-No!! I wasn't - I wasn't  _ drooling _ !!" 

"You kinda were, kiddo." Sasayama laughed from next to Choe, who was checking his phone. "But I don't blame you. I wish I was a girl so Karanomori would show me some of that sweet, lovely attention. Then I realise I'd rather have a penis."

"Maybe she doesn't show you all that attention because you're a misogynistic asshole who makes brain dead statements. Also, because you once shut down the Internet in the analysis room by unplugging the router to charge your phone." Yayoi suggested in a friendly way, glaring at Sasayama with a withering contempt. 

"Geez, don't even remind me. I couldn't show my face anywhere near level three or the cafeteria, because of all the security drones she reprogrammed to shoot me." Sasayama yawned, as he lazily put his foot on the coffee table, mashing away at the console. "I can't believe Director Kansei looked the other way."

"I can't believe she only let it continue for three months." Makishima laughed, as kougami sat down next to him, and took out a worn out paperback. "Although, let's be honest, Karanomori doesn't hate men per say. She seems to be fine with Shinya, over here."

"Well, most girls are fine with Kou." Kagari whined from the couch, as Kougami gave a non-committal shrug and grunt. "Have you seen how much he can bench press in the gym? It's unfair!! " 

"Maybe he just doesn't run his mouth off as much as you do, Kagari." Yayoi smiled, friendly this time, patting his head like a puppy. Kagari pouted, and ruffled his hair back to its normal spiky shape. 

"See, Yayoi is super nice to Kagari, but she treats me like garbage!!" Sasayama cried, indignant. "It's unfair. I also want a loving, black haired older sister archetype who would pat me on the head!!" 

"You're, like 27, my dude." Choe laughed from next to him. 

"Go and die, trash." Yayoi muttered under her breath, as she walked out of the room.

"Choke on a dick, dyke." Sasayama called out. The door opened, and light briefly filled the room, before it was drenched in its blue dim light again. 

"Wow she really hates you." Makishina noted, as he opened his book, looking at Kougami, who had taken out a pen and a notepad. "And I don't blame her."

"Definitely." Sasayama laughed. "But I would be angsty too, if I had to go through the rest of the day without my panties."

"Wh..what?!" I squeaked. "Panties? H-how did you?! Why?!" 

"Yayoi was walking with a slight limp when she reappeared from Karanomori's office. She was subtly hiding something." Sasayama smirked, tapping his temple with a finger, playing his video game with a single hand. "I also caught a flash of something blue and white stuffed into Karanomori's coat sleeves when she took the files from you. If I had to guess, this is one of their weird kinky BDSM power play games." 

I stood there, speechless. 

"Your office still hasn't fixed the aircon issue yet." Sasayama added for good measure. "Ice queen is literally gonna have a cold bum until five-thirty."

"You know, Sasayama, if you put that kind of effort into our cases, we would make frightful headway." Maksishima murmured wryly from the corner, looking sadly at his enforcer.

"Mmhmm." Kougami nodded at Makishima. "Ignoring the antics of my idiot best friend, can we please get started?" 

"Why yes, of course. But before we do, I would like to introduce our new member of the book club, Inspector Akane Tsumemori." 

"I- I'm sorry?" I quickly turned around to look at the gracefully smug man, reclining on his couch. "I.. I uh, I don't understand."

"We don't often meet people who enjoy a good book in our day and age. Choe occasionally joins in, but for the most part, it's just me and Kougami." Shougo Makishima explained, his smile warm. "And despite your deer in a headlights personality, I quite like your moxy." Makishima ended his monologue with a jojo pose, and I blinked twice to actually process what was going on. Why was I surrounded in the room by four man-children and a̶ ̶h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶r̶a̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶a̶i̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶s̶m̶e̶l̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶a̶k̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶u̶i̶l̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶G̶r̶e̶e̶k̶ ̶g̶o̶d̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶f̶u̶r̶ ̶l̶i̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶k̶a̶ ̶ my other coworker. 

"Also, she's read the book before, so she'll have no problem joining us today." Makishima added. 

"You've read Wind up bird?" A smooth voice, like velvet spoke from near me, and I gave a soft yelp, as I whipped around to see the cold, intelligent eyes of the handsome man as he appraised me. His voice was nice to listen to, intelligent and calming and slow. I gulped, as I tried to maintain my posture. 

"Y..yes. Even us inspectors read too, y'know?" 

"Hmmph. There's more to you than meets the eye, Inspector Tsunemori." Kougami smiled. He pulled up a chair, and patted it, welcoming me to sit down next to him, and I felt my heart go into overdrive for a solid ten seconds. I hastily sat down next to him, almost crashing into the table by accident. I could smell the scent of crushed pine and winter bark, tinged with the bitter twang of cigarette smoke in the air as I sat myself down. 

"So, uh, how do we do this?" I asked, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Kagari, Sasayama and Choe standing up and leaving the room as fast as they could. 

That should have been a red flag. 

() 

When I worked with kougami, I was always under the impression that he was cool and calm, an emotional enigma. Twenty minutes later, he was having what was close to a shouting match with Makishima, as he passionately disagreed about what allegory the well represented.

"Yes, but you see, the well is to represent the idea of "Rock bottom", and the whole point of that was to evolve people and make them reflect and change themselves to escape, which ties into May Kasahara's whole monologue about how death is a catalyst for deep thoughts and improvement!!" 

Kougami roared, and I whimpered, cowering in my seat, which was now on the floor, a makeshift bunker. 

"Nonsense, that hardly makes sense. The well is a euphemism of making a trade off. The lieutenant goes into the well, and he comes out changed, as he knows that he will die in Japan, but at the cost of a miserable existence. Toru goes into the well and he trades his naivety for the ability to enter that ethereal plane. Creta kano trades her extreme pain sensitivity for a complete lack of emotions, like a husk of a human. The trade offs are often harsh, and made in the spur of the moment. The well isn't a metaphor for self improvement, it's a monkey's paw kind of situation, where every human ends up worse off than at the start!! Don't you get it?!" 

Maksishima exclaims wildly, brandishing his silver straight razors about wildly. Wait, where did that come from. Why did my higher up carry a straight razor on him??? He probably didn't even need to shave, his skin as smooth as a peach. 

"That's ridiculous. If that were the case-" 

"I can't help it if you are an ignoramus about the obvious allegory-" 

"There you go again, every book you read ends up being about how "humans are all innately evil" , and how "we are just animals in suits".."

"Well, maybe it's because we are!!" 

I cowered behind my chair bunker, as I watched the two usually calm and collected men tear into each other like two savage wolves. Kougami was yelling now, waving his hands and pointing and Makishima, who had his head high up and his chest puffed up like a peacock. Was it weird that kougami shouting was kinda hot? 

"You!! Girl!!" Makishima pointed at me, in what seemed like another jojo pose. I gaped. Now I was caught in the crossfire. "You've been too quiet!! What did you think of the meaning of "The well"?! You're on my side with this assertion, right?!"

"Shut up, you're intimidating her!! Stop trying to coerce her into agreeing with you!!" Kougami roared, which was quite intimidating. "Tsunemori, You're with me on this argument right?!" 

Oh god. Now I had to play the marriage counsellor. Which should have been Ginoza's job, since he was always talking about managing his coworkers. I gulped nervously, looking from one expectant face to the other. Makishima was looking eagerly at me, one hand- both hands playing with a silver razor. Wait, he has two now?! And kougami was impatiently tapping his foot on the side of the table. 

I decided to go with my own, honest answer. 

"I think you're both right, but wrong at the same time." I blushed as I said it, and both men gave me a look like I had insulted their entire family tree. I quickly caught myself, and stammered out an answer before I was benchpressed into oblivion, or my throat was slit by a straight razor. 

" I mean, yes, what Mr. Kougami said about the well being rock bottom and a catalyst for change was right. And so was Mr. Makishima's assertion about trade-offs. But I think that the whole 'intention' of your arguments were off." 

I frantically stammered, waving my hands at the two men who were giving me their undivided attention. I mean, I wanted kougami to show me some attention, but this was.. You know what, it's fine. It's fine. 

I ask for so little. And boy, do I get it. 

"The whole meaning behind the argument is about 'water' which is what Creta Kano and the family soothsayer told Toru and his wife. It's actually a reference to Taoism in China, where your mindset was to be flexible and adaptable, like water. And in different stages of your life, you need to go through different experiences. The lieutenant was forced into the well, and Malta kano was r-raped, and thus they came out negatively changed by the experience. Toru on the other hand, took the advice, about going to the deepest well when the time came, and purposefully chose to go into the well, which was why he didn't experience as many negative drawbacks as the rest did."

"So Toru chose his own rock bottom? That's ridiculous." Kougami pointed out, and I would have usually drawn back and apologised, but instead I rebutted him, a strange heat burning in my face and chest. 

"It was a rock bottom when May kasahara took out the ladder. That was the whole point. He couldn't concentrate because there was a way out, and it was only when May did that, did he truly begin to be able to enter the plane to defeat his brother in law." 

"Yes, but he had to trade off his wife in the process didn't he?" 

"No, Kumiko made her own decision. She took the advice to go into the deepest well too, and that was why she chose to kill her brother in law. It wasn't fate, or some twisted monkey's paw device that made her end up killing her brother. I think the author's whole point of that aspect was that you'd have to go with the flow, like taoism, and find out what you'd want to do. He believed that we all had free will to do as we please, despite whatever boundaries society had placed on us. That as long as you had resolution, you.. You could make it to the next phase of your life." 

A pointed, awed silence filled the room. I blushed, realising I spoke a little too much, and maybe a little too aggressively. Makishima was looking at me curiously, like a snake would observe something new in its environment, deciding whether to eat it or not. Kougami had his eyebrows a little raised, so he was sufficiently impressed, I suppose. 

"Anything we want can be attained, huh?" A smirking, velvety voice spoke from behind me. I jumped a little bit. Behind me, Analyst Karanomori stood, leaning on the wall in a strangely seductive position. Her arms were spread above her, as she arched her slender back against the doorframe, her hair messy and let down, sliding over the contours of her snow white, smooth body. 

I felt my face heat up, as I just remembered the fact that she had my coworker's panties somewhere on her person right now. My mouth felt like there was too much saliva in it, and I gulped subtly. "No wonder sybil banned that book. If that subversive thought basket didn't do the trick, the part where it suggested politicians only gained power because of public ignorance and dark magic would have."

"Karanomori." Kougami smirked from next to me, matching her energy, as if challenging her. My mouth got wetter. I literally had to swallow this time. 

"Kougami." Karanomori smirked, and I whipped around, looking at her. I… I

I did not know what was going on. They stared at each other longer for what seemed than necessary, and Makishima rubbed his eye, as if trying to look away. They were… What was going on?

"Kougami. We.. We have a junior with us-" Makishima tried. 

" _ Inspector _ Tsunemori, Here's your report." Karanomori didn't say it so much as purr it, her words laced and heavy.

"Careful, the ink is still wet." She made a show of bending over and blowing on the cover, showing off her expansive cleavage to me and Kougami. I looked pointedly away. She left the file on the table between us, before sauntering off, her hips swaying as she went. 

"Wh… What was  _ that  _ all about?" I asked after a stunned silence. 

"I believe that Analyst Karanomori was asking us to bed her." Kougami replied evenly, after a second to think. "She was being very subtle about it though, so I'm surprised you noticed, Tsunemori."

Wait us? Together? With her? But-

"Kou…" Makishima piped up from beside him. "You… You are a great detective. But…"

"What?"

"Nothing." the pretty man sighed. I guess he was oblivious to these sorts of cues. He was without a doubt, the sharpest detective we had in division 1, but yeesh. I felt a little blush run up my cheeks. I tried to pass it off as nothing, pretending to be cool with how that situation played out. 

"Wait.. But doesn't.. Doesn't Karanomori like… y'know.. Girls?!" I tried to ask as calmly as possible. My voice cracked on a high note when the sentence ended. Wow. This.. This is why I can't have good things. I am terrible, and have crippling social anxiety with regards to everything that doesn't involve work. 

"Well, it doesn't have to be an either/Or situation, Ms Tsunemori." Makishima suggested, his palm around his face, cupping his lower jaw. He smiled innocently up at me, as I felt steam pour out of my ears. 

"Wh...Wait… So?.." I continued, looking at kougami from the side of my eye. Makishima noticed this and chuckled, waggling his perfect eyebrows. I glared at him. "Di.. Did you both ever… Y'know?..."

"Ever have sex?" 

"S-sex!!" I yelped, sitting up straight as if a bolt of electricity had ran through my spine. "Yes!! Uhm, yes, have you two ever copulated?" 

".." Kougami looked at me, his eyes piercing, and I felt my heart speed up, literally throwing itself against the side of my ribcage, as if it could jump out of my chest and commit suicide after hearing how mortifying that last sentence was. 

"I mean, I'm sorry, it must have been a very sensitive quest-" I quickly blurted out, but Kougami raised his hand, cutting me off. 

"No, no. It's alright, and I'm sure you're curious about our dynamics since you've just recently arrived." Kougami smiled kindly, and it wasn't patronising, like when Makishima did it. I gulped, feeling a warmth run through my chest, like I was drinking warm soup. "I was just surprised at your language choice. Copulate. It's a very formal and surgical term." 

I flushed a little. Geez, I was getting chewed out. Why and how did I manage to say the wrong things at the wrong time? I tried to salvage my street cred. 

"Would you rather I say you guys f.. F.. F-fuck?" I stammered the last word out, and I immediately regretted it. Oh god. It sounded cooler in my head. I resisted the urge to cover my burning face, as Makishima let out a quick, stifled guffaw, and Kougami gave me an amused look of disbelief that you might give a pet cat for pawing you. 

"Well,  _ Akane _ , no, we haven't  _ fucked _ ." Kougami smiled coolly, his eyes looking deep into mine, cold blue electricity running into a warm chocolate brown. A hint of tension was in his voice as he said those two words, and my legs went weak. I could hear how layered his voice was, and it made something inside my stomach squirm a little. "We've had plenty of tension in the past, and I'm sure she's open to the idea, but at this point it's more of a game than anything else." 

"I.. Uh, I see." I nodded, as Kougami nodded understandingly. I yawned a little, stretching my tense back. Whoever said that book clubs were relaxing were probably lying. It was a cold world sealed in the darkness and gnashing of teeth. Or maybe that was just the air conditioning unit blasting directly on top of us. I was exhausted anyways. I checked my phone, and I was shocked to see the time.

It was around three forty-five, climbing to four o clock. 

"Oh no." I stood up quickly. Kougami and Makishima turned to look at me, surprised at the sudden movement in the almost still room. The two of them were like exquisitely carved statues, marble busts of Greek gods of intelligence and beauty.

"I'm sorry, Sirs, I have to leave now. It's almost four o clock, and I have to finish up this week's reports and next week's scheduling." I cringed a little when I said the word 'Sirs'. Wow, today was just not going my way. 

"It's only Wednesday, you know?" Kougami's smooth voice addressed me and I almost jumped a bit. I tried my best to look him in the eye this time. "You got plenty of time to do it on Friday."

"I prefer to finish all my work as quickly as possible, y'know?" I replied. "It frees up time for other things."

"What kinds of other things, pray tell?" Kougami smirked, and I was saved from responding to him when a soft buzzing filled the room, coming from both Makishima and him. He took out his phone, and checked the message. Makishima did likewise, their movements almost in tandem. 

"Well, I hope you did most of your reports." Makishima nodded to me, as he stood up, picking up his razorblades and folding them up, slipping them into his coat. "There's a crime report. Our divisions are assigned to the scene."

"Roger." Kougami stood up, and took his leather bound copy of the novel, putting it neatly into his parka. "We'll have to continue this discussion later. I look forward to seeing you again with us here, Ms. Tsunemori." 

"Me too." I nodded back, as Kougami left the analysis room. Inspectors went there in lavish cars that could have doubled up as a limousine. The enforcers went in 'Kennels', which were heavily armoured cars with no windows, that contained the dominators. I saw the interior of it once, and it looked ominously like a prison vehicle. I wondered how the enforcers felt when they were escorted in such a terrible way. 

"Something on your mind?" Makishima asked, as we walked out of the freezing room. 

"Nah. Just thinking about the kennels."

"Hmm, so you wonder about that too, huh?" Makishima smiled, a little forlornly this time. "About how we inspectors drive around in cushy cars, but the enforcers get stuffed into the back of an armoured van." 

"Yeah, I just… well I just don't think it's fair. They are humans too, citizens who abide by the law, and even champion it… they haven't committed any crimes, but we effectively treat them as criminals because of the possibility they may." I sighed, looking at our reflection in the mirror.

I saw a young girl with a neat, short haircut, her eyes large and doe like. Soft brown hair, that seemed like it belonged somewhere else, somewhere with the natural morning sun. Behind her, an ivory haired man stood, his white coat blending perfectly with the greys and blues of the artificial concrete world they lived in. 

"You know what the hardest part about our job is, inspector Tsunemori?" Makishima asked, after a pause, as if he was debating about whether to reply me or not. 

"People management?"

"No, not really, people management is a skill that you can attain easily once you've gained your co-workers' respect, and set down clear, concise rules and boundaries."

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue. 

"The hardest part about our job is self management. To understand the fact that the system is in some areas, flawed, but that it's the best we have, so we champion it. It means accepting the flaws and making peace with yourself about the harm you might be enforcing on others."

"It's the same principle as most things in life. Don't feel bad about having something that others don't." Makishima said, and we walked out of the lift. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
